understand what I was thinking about dating jared. He wasnt my type and I was too desperate to notice it. It is rather odd though that I havent even felt my heart beat since the day he left me. Either my heart was broken or it just missed him to much to beat for anyone else. I've forgotten what he looks, isn't that weird? I mean how can you think your utterly and totally inlove with someone and not even remember what they look like. I wish my heart could fully mend but I am not really sure that it ever will. I mean I'm talking with this guy Jake but I'm already feeling like im annoying him and just being a bothersome part of his life and I dont even know if I could ever fall for anyone again after jared. He really did take my heart with him, but the main thing is he never should have had it in the first place. That was my one big OOPS in life right there. It's odd how you can make those big OOPS in life and they only really affect you, not so much your friends or people that surround you. I hope to GOD that one day I can wake up and be inlove again. Utterly and hopelessly inlove and I hope that when I am, that I'm not the only one feeling that way. I dont see it happening anytime soon and thats okay with me, but I hope one day that I find the guy that gives me butterflies all the time and that makes me lose every bruise and resistence to feeling that I have. I want to feel whole again, I want it more than anything. I envy people who feel it.